OnlineHost: Join us at 9 p.m. Eastern when Dr. Paul Stoltz shows you how to
assess you own AQ, while giving you the tools you need to permanently boost your
ability to survive and succeed. Dr. Stoltz sums up his message by saying, "As we move toward the new millennium the survival skill will be the ability to prevail and climb through adversity. Those who can will reap rich rewards, while those who cannot will continue to suffer. Everyone, including parents, children, educators, business leaders, and professionals will need to possess this vital skill to succeed."
OnlineHost: Stay tuned, Dr. Paul Stoltz, author of "Adversity Quotient:
Turning Obstacles into Opportunities," will be here to show you how to cope with all kinds of adversity. Dr. Stoltz goes beyond IQ and EQ to establish a new standard in predicting success.
HarpoAce: Welcome everyone to tonight's event with Dr. Paul Stoltz, author of
"Adversity Quotient: Turning Obstacles into Opportunities"
HarpoAce: Here we go! Dr. Paul Stoltz is here to speak to you about coping
with adversity. Welcome, Dr. Stoltz!
PStoltz: Well, good evening everyone. It is a privilege to speak with you about what I consider to be one of the most pivotal ideals. As we face ever growing adversity in our homes, workplace and society our ability to navigate and prevail over that adversity is more important than ever before. It is my hope and goal for this session, that we will discover ideas together that will prove significant to each of you at the most personal level.
OnlineHost: What's your AQ? Adversity expert, Paul Stoltz, Ph.D. shows you how to cope with adversity of all kinds. Stop worrying and start turning obstacles into opportunities! Send your questions now!
HarpoAce: DBrown482, you've got the first question for Dr. Stoltz!
Question: Is the world we know going to change in the next millennium?
PStoltz: Yes, I believe the real question is not if we are going to change, but to what extent we will be changed. All indicators suggest we are experiencing and entering an era of unprecedented change in all facets of life as we know it. Therefore we must grow new capabilities and capacities to deal with this change. Change for most people comes with adversity. My job is helping people change that adversity into the driving force to their greatness in life.
HarpoAce: Our next question for Dr. Stoltz comes from FCann3430,
Question: What makes a person's attitude change in mid-life from positive to
negative?
PStoltz: I am so pleased to receive a question about attitude. It is one of the greatest myths of our time. We have all been raised in this era of "happy think," where we are told that if we just have a positive attitude, we will experience a more rewarding and richer life. Number one, if a person with a happy, upbeat attitude is able to deal well, he will deal well with all of life's setbacks. Number two, if dealing with the set backs will have a positive attitude as a result around the world, the consensus is that the ability to fail or prevail over adversity is the only attainable force for having a positive
attitude in life. Positive attitude is superficial, and is only the result of our ability to deal with adversity. It's time to get beyond the era of happy think.
HarpoAce: Next up, DBrown482 asks,
Question: How do we help our children grow up honest in such a dishonest world?
PStoltz: The larger question here is how do we raise morally grounded children in an amoral, or even sometime immoral world. I thank you for this important question. Any parent trying to raise "good children" sometimes feels like they are swimming upstream or climbing a mountain against an avalanche. It takes tremendous fortitude to turn a nation, and resilience, to raise morally grounded children. The starting point is our own mirror on the wall. We must all examine our own behavior as if we were standing naked in front of the mirror. Children have the ability to spot integrity and morality. We often sacrifice our own example for our own pleasures, only through our own moral sacrifice can we begin to guide our children in that development. All children must learn to overcome life's adversities to ever become great.
HarpoAce: FoxeRoxe5 has this heartfelt question for Dr. Paul Stoltz, author of
"Adversity Quotient,"
Question: Dr., I suffer from extreme anxiety in all social situations. I've had
This problem since my late teens. I have a difficult time holding down jobs, because I am so awkward and painfully shy. I've been in therapy for years, but
nothing seems to help. Help!
PStoltz: When I was a guest on Oprah's show, the largest group I had ever spoken to was 2,500 people. There was a moment that it dawned on me that I would be speaking to 20 million people. The way that I went through that experience with absolutely no anxiety was by focusing on my purpose and the impact I hoped and prayed I would have on those people's lives. You can reduce your social anxiety by focusing intently on others' lives, on others' needs, and on others' stories. Social anxiety by definition is an intense focus on ones self. That's why it's called self-conscience. If you focus on others, you can not focus on yourself, and your own behavior become irrelevant to you. When I watched my appearance on Oprah's show, it was like watching it for the first time because I was unaware of the 20 million people watching. I hope to help you get out of your own anxiety and help you have an impact on others.
HarpoAce: Caheatly, here you go!
Question: How do I turn adversity into opportunity?
PStoltz: We know that people who have the greatest resilience in life posses the ability to use adversity to their advantage. I call this "advertunity." If you think of anyone you consider as "great," I can assure you that that person has had to overcome significant adversity along the way. So, the only way you or I can become great in our life is by overcoming significant adversity. We know that at the core, how you respond to adversity is through control, ownership, reach and endurance. Those who turn adversity into opportunity focus on those facets. They can be accountable for dealing with it, and limit the reach of their adversity to the situation at hand and detach the adversity no matter how bad. C, O, R, E; this redefines your core. People who have a strong core respond to adversity, and are the ones who turn it into opportunity. A very simple question to ask is when a challenge arises, what opportunities are buried in this muck. Chances are you will find at least one.
Question: Why do you call this time in history "the age of adversity?"
PStoltz: The reason I believe this is the age of adversity comes from the interviews that I have conducted and continue to conduct with senior citizens from around the world. I ask them, "Do you believe that the world is easier or harder today than when you were a child?" Over 95% of them all say the same thing. The world is much more challenging today for parents, workers, leaders, children, for anyone trying to do something meaningful with their life. The good news is that adversity can be used to fuel and release the greatest facet of yourself, if you know how to dig deep.
HarpoAce: San32F, here you go!
Question: Dr., how do you over come depression, death in family and divorce?
PStoltz: The reason this book is called "Adversity Quotient" is because it offers a very vital and specific message of hope for anyone facing this magnitude of adversity. We know that people with higher AQ's are much more likely to be immune from depression than are low AQ individuals. This means that if you read this book and learn how to measure and strengthen your AQ you will be less likely to feel helpless, hopeless, depressed, or overwhelmed for any sustained period of time. Life is hard, and life has struggles. Your fundamental ability to face and overcome adversity as defined by your AQ is the essential ingredient to minimize the suffering and maximizing the joy.
Question: What is the difference between AQ, EQ and IQ? Is one more important
than the other?
PStoltz: We all grew up with our intelligence being defined by two letters, IQ. For decades, this has been a tattoo that we wear on our forehead. It is difficult to change. However, anyone that has been to a high school reunion will know that IQ is not the best predictor of success. Those with high IQ's do not always go the furthest at living productive lives. EQ is a hypothetical measure of ones emotional intelligence. We know EQ is a much stronger predictor of success than IQ. It is an umbrella term for sensing, understanding, and restraining our emotions in our relationships with others. Doing that well is very challenging. I believe that your AQ, and how you deal with adversity, determines how you will overcome those adversities. My experience and research suggests that those with higher AQ's exceed and surpass everyone else in life.
HarpoAce: BLOVE70, here's your question for Dr. Stoltz!
Question: Dr. Stoltz, what do you think about stress and the effects of stress when it aggravates chronic illness? Discuss intervention strategies.
PStoltz: There have been tremendous amounts of research on stress. Later this year, I will be involved in studies that look at what effects AQ has on health. It is my belief, based on the research so far, that the higher one's AQ, the more healthy, hearty, and resilient they will be. This implies that the higher your AQ, the less likely you are to suffer from catastrophic disease in all forms. I believe higher AQ individuals not only remain healthier, they tend to live longer.
HarpoAce: Devilbird, here you go!
Question: Sometimes I feel like a loser, and that no one wants me around. What should I do to help me feel better about myself?
PStoltz: We all have moments of greater or lessor self worth. Every person has a vital and important purpose in life. It is often useful to create a personal wake up call, by going and helping people far less fortunate than us. It is also very validating to spend some time with those living in a nursing home. They will love you and accept you and appreciate you unconditionally for who you are. This will remind you of your true worth and help build from there.
HarpoAce: Here's our last question for Dr. Stoltz!
Question: Who's someone living today with AQ? And, what is it about their life that exhibits it?
PStoltz: Just to clarify, everyone has an AQ, including yourself. Some are higher than others. Each year, I meet many thousands of people with high AQ's. Their spirits never cease to amaze me. Famous people you might know... Nelson Mandella, who spent 27 years in jail for his beliefs. He never gave up on his purpose, and today is the most gleaming example of hope and high integrity in a leader that we have. Another example is Mother Teresa, who until the time of her death remained relentless in her pursuit of her purpose, no matter how extreme the adversity and how hopeless the circumstances. Be humble. Relatively uneducated individuals demonstrate what is possible in each of us; and the role AQ can play in our success.
HarpoAce: Thank you, Dr. Stoltz, for joining us tonight and sharing your wonderful adversity advice! Would you like to say a few closing words?
PStoltz: I began 18 years ago to write this book to offer people a pathway to significant meaning and hope based on not pretty words but hard stock. It is my dream that as we read this book, "Adversity Quotient, that it will have a positive and meaningful impact on your life and to those that you meet.
HarpoAce: Thanks for coming everyone! Dr. Stoltz is the author of "Adversity
Quotient." Thanks again!
PStoltz: Thank you.
HarpoAce: If you missed tonight's auditorium, check Oprah Online tomorrow for
